Sometimes the only thing you can think about is the man you gave your heart to. He doesn't leave your thoughts, you don't even realise that you're thinking about him. Then you get angry at yourself for thinking about him when you're not supposed to, so you put your head to the pillow, and whatever you do he is still in your dreams even in every breathe you take.
While you're afraid of getting used to him, you realise you became him. Without realising, you start acting like him. You smile like him, you think like him. You say I miss you calling you "aşkım". No matter how much your heart wants him, you can't tell yourself you can't have him. Whenever you see a happy couple you think of them as "you and him". When you see platonic loves in movies you say "Just go fucking tell him, it's not worth hurting yourself this much." when you can't even find the guts to do it yourself.
You start thinking about the old times. Keep saying "I wish I haven't.., what if..". He becomes the only thing that takes all your thoughts, but you cover your feelings with a paper, let him take over your thoughts and swallow everything you want to say then make him your 'everything'.